It’s official. I’ve been questioning it the last month or so, I’m only a few months in thankfully. You know the time isn’t right when you feel that way already. Things are too stressful at home. I have a home in disrepair, hoping to move house soon. I’m not comfortable with myself, I’m trying to lose weight. I have two children with significant individual needs one whom is severely distressed often. So many appointments and reviews to attend. As well as the general everyday upkeep of a house. Making all the financial decisions. I do it all on my own. I’m deliberately topping it up with three hours commute a day, three days a week and degree level coursework. What on earth was I thinking? It’s beyond me. I’m almost at the end of block one and I am already feeling the stress.
I think I need to accept that I will not be likely to get a degree anytime soon. I mean I may venture there in the future.. subject to many moons aligning and the time being right. I’m hopeful that leaving early will mean I may be able to get a resit year. If I’m being absolutely honest, I’m OK with not getting a degree. I think the degree was the end point really, and I was beginning to wonder what the point in having a degree was when realistically I can’t put it into use. I have no intentions of going into a full time position, most teaching positions are full time. That was originally the reason I wanted one, but the idea of being employed part time isn’t realistic..plus there’s all the out of school hour work teachers are expected to do. Most other things I can do successfully from home, and I can do them without a piece of paper telling me I can. All in a stress free, work at my own pace environment. I can dip in and out of ventures whenever I please. I think that’s the way it’s going to be.
And I’m OK with it. Not over the moon, not upset, perhaps a little disheartened that Im not doing what I’d set out to. But I know what’s best for us.